Here is the quick reference guide to help all politicians get through those inevitable sex scandals!

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He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

ISN’T ENGLISH A FUNNY LANGUAGE ?

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple…
Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?


Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?
One index, two indices?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down.
You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
.English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.

Now i know why i failed in english.

It’s not my fault but the silly language doesn’t quite know whether it’s coming or going

Submit By Pena

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1. Nowhere in literary history will you find a boy so blighted, so miserable yet rich as Harry Potter.

2. He survived a murderous assault by a brain-dead sorcerer with an extremely stupid name – Voldemort. ( yuck , I wouldn’t even call my dog as Voldemort)

3. A man called Albus Dumbledore is his hero. ( He’s got waist length beard which he can’t cut because they are stronger than steel.)

4. He goes to a school called Hog-Warts. ( All the Hogs at that place are full of Warts.)

5. He flies a broomstick. ( What happened to high velocity jet-fighters..?! )

6. He becomes invisible by wearing an invisibility cloak. ( Why though ? Is he ashamed of his appearance ?)

7. He has a lightning shaped scar on his head. ( Imagine being famous because your skins been sliced open..)

8. He uses a magic wand to cast spells ( What did you expect… a magic turnip ?! )

9. He hates a greasy teacher called Snape. ( Yeah , and he can talk to snakes )

10. His friend , Ron Weasly , has a jumbo sized family. ( Maybe Harry thought that he could squeeze in and nobody would notice because of the crowd. )

11. He protected the Philosopher’s Stone. ( What about the stones of the doctors, nurses , writers and engineers ? Who’s gonna protect them ?)

12. He speaks Parseltongue ! ( Whazzat ?! Parcel what? I didn’t know he could take to parcels !)

13. He was raised by his nasty aunt and uncle. ( Who else do you think would have raised him ? A couple of rabid wolves ? He ain’t Mowgli !)

14. He’s been wearing that same pair of spectacles for the last 8 years ! ( I thought that he had a lot of money , then why doesn’t he buy a new pair…? )

15.He’s got the biggest fan following of all time ! ( No wonder he always appears so windswept )

16. His cousin is a boxing champ ! ( Ahhh , all those years of punching Harry finally paid off. )

17.His wand has a core of phoenix feather .( Thank god it ain’t dragon heartstring. Or else he would have been called as Parry Hotter )

18. He killed a basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets. ( What else would he have killed ? A mosquito !? )

19. He was put in Gryffindor house . ( Why ?! Because the White House wouldn’t take him , silly! )

Looks like I left one reason ! So why don’t you people add the twentieth reason as to why Harry Potter is famous. You can give any reason , but just make sure that it has a funny personal comment attached to it .

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1. Blog.Letsjoy.com Moved to Letsjoy.com/Blog

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.

Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Condition hair with cucumber and lamprey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it’s all come off.

Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails and or tweezers (if you can find them).

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed.

Shower like a man…
Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting “Way Hey!!”

Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique.

Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.

Get in shower.

Don’t bother to look for wash cloth, don’t need one.

Wash face.

Wash armpits.

Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower.

Wash bollocks and the surrounding area.

Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.

Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.

Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.

Piss in shower.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.

Partially dry off.

Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again.

Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.

Leave bathroom light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go “Yeah baby” and thrust pelvis at her.

Put on yesterday’s clothes.

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