Fun Blog - LetsJoy.Com » Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes about Life

Joker — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 22:22:31 +0000

Funny Quotes About Life by Famous People
here are few Funny Life Quotes..
“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it” – Oscar Wilde

“For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed” – Clifton Fadiman

“Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination” – Christopher Isherwood

“After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say “I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!” – Willliam S. Burroughs

“Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little” – Thomas Aloysius Dorgan

“Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?” – Bob Monkhouse

“Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable” – Woody Allen

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon” – Woody Allen

“Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television” – Woody Allen

“Life is just one damned thing after another” – Erbert Hubbard

“Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man ” – William Shakespeare

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else” – Will Rogers

“Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about” – Sam Ewing

“I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it” – Charles Schulz

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained” – Mark Twain

Read more on funny witty short sayings and famous quotes and quotations.

Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

“All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific” – Jane Wagner

” Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines” – Anonymous

“Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry” – George Ade

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us” – Bill Watterson

” It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it” – Anonymous

” Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter” – Anonymous

“Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad” – P.D. East

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely” – Anonymous

Funny Quotes About Life Being Hard

“I told my dad I stopped raising hell and he called me a quitter!” – Anonymous

“I don’t suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it” – Anonymous

“The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy” – Anonymous

” Crying doesn’t help anything, try your luck with violent mood swings” – Anonymous

“Smile, tomorrow will be worse” – Anonymous

“When I’m right, no one remembers, when I’m wrong, no one forgets” – Anonymous

” We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public” – Anonymous

“Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t” – Anonymous

“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something ” – Anonymous

“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film” – Anonymous

Funny Quotes Collection!

Funny Quotes Collection!

Joker — Sat, 01 May 2010 22:10:54 +0000

If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
Quentin Crisp

If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin

If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter

If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.
Yogi Berra

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
Jay London

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
Dave Barry

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
H. L. Mencken

Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
P. J. O’Rourke

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
Katharine Hepburn

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
Henry A. Kissinger

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen

Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.
Marlene Dietrich

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield

I have a love interest in every one of my films – a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
Calvin Coolidge

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers

I like children – fried.
W. C. Fields

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen

I like marriage. The idea.
Toni Morrison

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Walt Disney

I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.
Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Will Rogers

I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra

I rant, therefore I am.
Dennis Miller

No related posts.