What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
(Jon)
Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem? (Scott)
What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser. (Tejas
Chachcha)
How do you know if your a red neck?
You go to the family reunon to find a date! (Faithe Ainsworth)
Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement
window. (Kyle Burglie)
Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!! (Pisshead
Bonehead)
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn’t do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn’t do my homework. (Scott)
What is green and smells?
Hulk’s fart.
(Azbar Kahleed)
Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?
Becase he was a party pooper. (Briana)
You so short you have to look up to look down. (Crystal)
Yo mamma is so fat:
She eats Wheat Thicks.
We’re in her right now.
She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.
She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY." (M.P. Monaghan)
Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and
your father said, "Yea lets go bury it". (M. P. Monaghan)
Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window. (M.
P. Monaghan)
How do you make a blonde’s eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear…
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Yo mama’s so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.
Yo mama’s so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time
zones.
Yo mama’s so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks.
Yo mama’s so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn’t get a menu, she gets
an estimate.
Yo mama’s so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
None. The invisible hand does it.
How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already
caused it to happen.
Have you ever noticed… anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone
going faster is a maniac.
George Carlin
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when
she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneris
I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have
experience pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
Carol Leifer
I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat
it with naked fat peple.
Ed Bluestone
I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I’d like some fries".
The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that".
Jay Leno
Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers?
Nuclear fission.
Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?
Because it had a nice groove in it!
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
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