- Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
- Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
- When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
- Gravity always wins
- The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk
- There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise
- I'm not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings
- Buy land, they have quit making it!
- Don't judge a man by his boxers, it's what's inside that counts
- I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it
- Eat healthy, exercise more, still die
- Politicians prefer unarmed peasants
- Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
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