- Beer: helping ugly people get laid since 1823
- Impotence: Nature's way of saying "no hard feelings"
- The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with
- I'm not smiling at you, I'm trying not to laugh!
- 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? I think not
- I'm fat, but your ugly. I can diet
- English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England!
- You may laugh because I'm different but I laugh because you're all the same
- If at first you dont succeed skydiving isnt for you
- Take a break like it is a sort of screen saver!
- I am on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
- ScReW TwiZzLeRS!! i'LL MaKe YoUr MoUtH HaPPy!
- I aint guilty, im just not innocent! ;-)
- Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls
- Everyone likes a little ass, but no one likes a smart ass
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