- If my car was a horse, I would have to shoot it!
- An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire hius work
- Men are like roses, you got to watch out for all the pricks
- Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised
- I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on
- I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go by
- Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door
- Stupid statistics cost american companies 30 zillion dollars each year
- Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics
- Ass, Grass, or Gas: everybody's gotta pay
- Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away
- A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings
- Who's cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "s" in it?
- Why is it that the most unattractive people in this world insist on being nudists?
- I'm not a dumb blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
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