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  • What do you call a sheep with no legs?
  • A cloud.

  • Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
  • When did you first notice this problem?
    What problem? (Scott)

  • What is defference between man and Superman?
  • Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser. (Tejas Chachcha)

  • How do you know if your a red neck?
    You go to the family reunon to find a date! (Faithe Ainsworth)

  • Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window. (Kyle Burglie)

  • Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!! (Pisshead Bonehead)

  • Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
  • Teacher: no, of course not.
    Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework. (Scott)

  • What is green and smells?
  • Hulk's fart.
    (Azbar Kahleed)

  • Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?
  • Becase he was a party pooper. (Briana)

  • You so short you have to look up to look down. (Crystal)

  • Yo mamma is so fat:
  • She eats Wheat Thicks.
    We're in her right now.
  • She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.
  • She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY." (M.P. Monaghan)

  • Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it". (M. P. Monaghan)

  • Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window. (M. P. Monaghan)

  • How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
  • Shine a torch into her ear...

  • How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
  • His lips are moving.

  • Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
  • Professional courtesy.

  • What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
  • Not enough sand.

  • Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
  • Take your foot off his head.

  • Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
  • No? Good!

  • What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
  • The bucket.

  • What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
  • A vampire only sucks blood at night.

  • Yo mama's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.

  • Yo mama's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

  • Yo mama's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks.

  • Yo mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

  • Yo mama's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.

  • Yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.

  • How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
  • Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

  • How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
  • None. The invisible hand does it.

  • How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  • None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

  • Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.
  • George Carlin

  • You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
  • Ellen DeGeneris

  • I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.
  • Rita Rudner

  • I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
  • Carol Leifer

  • I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat peple.
  • Ed Bluestone

  • I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries".
  • The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that".
    Jay Leno

  • Why don't oysters give to charity?
  • Because they're shellfish.

  • What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers?
  • Nuclear fission.

  • Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?
  • Because it had a nice groove in it!

  • How can you tell if a redneck is married?
  • There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.

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